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Ok. I'm over the misery part of this... Now I'm on to rage.



Yep straight up 'take no prisoners, everyone must suffer, none left alive' rage.





I've been patient, I've been understanding, I've compromised, and I've 'taken one for the team'



I'm over that. FUCK. THAT!

At least I have a job.

At least I have a job.

At least I have a job.

At least I have a job.

At least I have a job.







Maybe if I repeat it enough times everything will be ok....















Nope. Kill me now.

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Celestria
17:01 Jan 19 2013

I just left a job that made me feel this way. It's sad, but the only way I coped was smoking bud. Not the best choice but it got me through to make money that I needed. I'm not suggesting you do that, though. Lol. I hope things get better.

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There is only one 24 hour period of the year where I question absolutely everything about my own validity as a person.



New Years...



It's the only time I allow myself to really give into all of my insecurities, count and judge all my own flaws, and fall right down the rabbit hole into utter despair over where I am in life.



Every other day I will wallow for an hour or so, listen to depressing songs, watch a horribly sad movie, maybe even cry a bit, but then I kick myself in the ass, yell at myself to "just get the fuck over it" and move on.



It's never easy and I usually spend the next week hating myself. Not only for feeling so miserable but for having to beat myself up over it.







But on New Years... my misery reigns. It's quite exhilarating to be honest.



To just give in to all the normal pain and suffering you stuff away into the deep corners and recesses of the mind.



To embrace all the heartache that you never allow yourself to feel.



The calculation of each and every flaw (real, perceived, or imagined) that defines you.



To measure where you are in life based on your accomplishments and more importantly your failures.







Once a year... I realize just how broken I really am.

COMMENTS

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gszander
16:37 Jan 05 2013

Your not broken, just aware of your life.

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